Paper towels from hell

It's been too long since we last met.  Lots of changes. Pat nearly died and lo and behold, just as the good people at Duke Hospital called for that code blue or whatever that is so scary, our Rector walked in. Proof that we are not alone...and not in that X files sort of way.
Anyhoo, Pat was trached, our lives changed again and WE ARE STILL HERE!

The biggest change was the advent of the nurses, for which we are immensely grateful.  I was drowning, due to Pat's deteriorating condition the summer of 2014.  I had quit working but we were still tending the babies twice a week.  I was about to lose my mind, then unbeknownst to us,  we learned (following the procedure), the VA provides nurses for trached patients.

 After a weeks stay at the Duke ICU, we came home to what seemed to be a MILLION PEOPLE IN OUR HOUSE...it was the welcoming/ check in committee from the nursing company and I just about slit my throat. Pat was useless.  He sat at his dynovox and all he did was tell everyone (who were all women) how pretty they were and I was losing my mind. They were doing what they had to do and I was able to contain myself but MY GOD....They presented me with a HUGE ROLL  of paper towels, telling me that now that they were here, in one of those bizarre insurance things, they would be providing us with enough paper towels (seemingly to encircle the globe twenty times over) so I wouldn't ever have to buy them again. It was a bizarre rendering of LETS MAKE A DEAL I traded my home to complete strangers, but I get a lifetime supply of really scratchy huge rolls of paper towels. The only thing missing was Don Pardo.

 I decided to focus my wrath/anxiety/insanity on the paper towels and it got me through the night.

In honor of THE CLEVELAND INDIANS WORLD SERIES, I have provided a baseball comparison for scale. GO TRIBE

Whispers

Our bathroom renovation has begun and there is  plastic sheeting that protects our bedroom from the dust that such work entails.  This sheeting runs from wall to wall and whenever I walk by it, my air wake creates a gentle movement that has reminds me of the veil in HARRY POTTER and  THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX wherein the people who have gone on before, whisper as the living walk by.

I'm waiting to hear from Sirius Black soon.

All Pretense Aside

THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER is the third of CS Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series.  In it, one of the characters, the aptly named, Eustace Scrubb, is a vile little fellow.  In Narnia, he becomes a dragon which is not all that great and with the help of Aslan, he endures a  painful shedding of the tough scales to reveal the wonderful boy he really is at heart.

CS Lewis expands on that theme of shedding our mortal coils of pride, greed etc. in his book for adults, THE GREAT DIVORCE.  Everyone has to face their behaviors or human side and cast them aside in order to reach heaven. If your possessions and personality give you comfort on earth, it's hard to let go. Some can't do it and remain locked forever in a grey purgatory.

I've been pretty lucky.  I've taken care of three people as they learned to cast off their mortal coils.  My parents and now, my husband.  I've watched them come to an understanding that they have a stale date, as yet unknown for Pat, but it is there.  And I've REALLY been lucky because in all cases, it's been an easy road for me.

My father was, like many people, a complicated man with many layers and for so many years, not that easy to get along with.  When he got his stale date on the anniversary of Mom's death, his shedding of his dragon hide began immediately.   His layers peeled away as he sat on our front porch, prayed and thought through his life.  He went through his self examination with a fine tooth comb that only a Lutheran PK could manipulate and at the end, revealed himself to be the sweet man we all suspected was there.  It made my job easier as his caregiver because he appreciated everything that was done for him, and although there may have been some regrets he couldn't get to that place while he was still able bodied, I think we were all grateful we got there at last.

In the God Squad column this week, Rabbi Marc Gellman addresses this issue of what to do when your caregiveree isn't that wonderful.  I hope I'm like Dad when it's my turn to be on the receiving end and not that lady.

http://www.tmsfeatures.com/columns/religion/the-god-squad/25506609.html?articleURL=http://rss.tmsfeatures.com/websvc-bin/rss_story_read.cgi?resid=201403111830TMS_____GOD_SQUD_ctngs-a_20140313

We Shall Return

The last big trip we made before we got the diagnosis was to my birthplace, Memphis, with the family newlyweds.We stayed at the Peabody, had cocktails in the lobby while watching the ducks parade around and then suppered at the Rendezvous just down the alley, past the dumpster. We almost didn't make it though. It was around this time of year and a spring storm chose the Memphis airport to be the tunnel for the front that was coming through.  It was the rockiest landing Pat said he'd ever endured and with his business international travels, he'd made quite a few landings in suspect weather.  We looked at each other and said, "Well, if this is it, then we're good to go." and held hands.  I felt a little sorry for our daughter and her new husband, because they were going to miss out on the marriage rollercoaster, but it turns out, they didn't even miss out on the ribs.

Before Pat got so sick, I used to pray he would just get happy; be content with his life and not work so hard that he could barely move at night.  I didn't want him to get ALS, but after the initial horror of it all, he has become happy; happier than I have ever known him.  He enjoys sitting around with me, watching the grands parade through the house and planning the next book he's going to read.

There was an article in the paper awhile back about a woman who after being diagnosed with a terminal illness (I'm thinking it was stage 4 cancer) became happy for the first time in her life. The woman in the article asks, "why did I have to be threatened with death to become happy?" It turns out this is not an unusual phenomenon.

 For those of us familiar with the TV show HOUSE, you may remember the episode where the crippled curmudgeon tries to expose the happy cancer kids for the frauds they are.  Of course, it didn't work.  They really were happy.  Not happy to be sick, but happy children who happened to have that horrible sword dangling overhead.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the day that we who go to liturgical churches are smeared with oily palm ashes and reminded that "we are dust and to dust we will return."  I'm wondering if this liturgy about death is really to get our tushies in gear and to make us remember to live.

Here's a link to the liturgy we will use today.

http://www.liturgies.net/Lent/AshWednesday.htm
http://www.liturgies.net/Lent/AshWednesday.htm

Only in America...

...would a two person household be SO DISTRESSED at the prospect of living with one bathroom for two months.  We are starting a small renovation to make our master bath ADA compliant and therefore have to SHARE!!!!!!

The Best Laid Plans...

..of mice and men oft go astray.


This snow better be nice and be GONE in 24 hours. We have tickets to the sold out BOOK OF MORMON at the DPAC on Saturday!

A NON-DOWNER post

Pat told me last night that my upper arms were getting buff from all the heavy lifting I have to do.
While I doubt they will ever get to the level of FLOTUS's, I am hopeful this means I will look better in my sleeveless shirts should summer ever arrive.  

He also told me that last post about the cords of death was a bit of a downer, which is why you are getting to read TWO today.